LEARNING TO WAIT WELL

 July 5, 2023
Lord, I pray that all of my “whys” lead me to the good “who.”

A solitary sunflower grew up in the pasture grass we planted. It never seems to turn towards the sun. It just faces Brighton’s Hill.

July 9, 2023
Lass and I were reading his Storybook Bible last night and it said when Adam and Eve first opened their eyes, the first thing they saw was God! I started crying as I thought of Brighton and our new little baby opening their sweet eyes and immediately seeing the face of Jesus. Thank you Lord for the hope of seeing You and our babies again someday.

July 14, 2023
We are back from another amazing trip to the Smokies! Such a good week with the Birt crew. We hiked, tubed, jumped at Top Jump, shopped, and went to a spa. A different trip than our normal but really fun. Lassen’s first trip that he will really remember.

I took a pregnancy test because I was having some similar symptoms I had with Lassen and it was positive. Thank you Lord for another life to love. I pray that our time with this baby is special and never taken for granted. I pray Lord for a healthy body to carry a healthy baby.

July 19, 2023
Yesterday, I went in and had my blood drawn to measure my HcG levels and today I found out I am officially pregnant again, but will go back in tomorrow to see if my numbers have doubled. I had some bleeding this morning which stressed me out and immediately I thought, “I am having another miscarriage” but then it stopped and I haven’t had any since. God has this pregnancy in His control and there is nothing I can do about it. I pray for a healthy pregnancy and healthy baby. But even if that is not God’s plan, I pray that He stays near and holds our hearts.

July 20, 2023
The nurse called me this morning to let me know my progesterone levels were really low. This was not a surprise as I am pretty confident I am miscarrying again. I have been bleeding heavily all day.

Fortunately, I was meeting up with mom and dad to drop Lassen off so he could spend the weekend with them. I did feel better after talking to mom about it. I had prayed that God would let me know if something was wrong and He has. It is a really awful feeling regardless.

After I dropped Lassen off, I went to Pine Hills N.P. and hiked before a storm got there. It was good for my soul. I told this baby all about our family and how much we love him/her.

July 23, 2023
The last two days have been good. I have had time to process, write, read, run, and hike. Kyle and I decided I should sign up for a race to have something fun to work towards. I signed up for the Tecumseh Trail Marathon in October. This will give me something to focus on that I love doing and something I have been putting off while trying to have another baby. Not that I don’t still deeply desire that, but I feel this is a way to tangibly show that I truly trust God’s timing and I am not going to try to force something that is ultimately not in my control.

Yesterday, after I got back from an 8 mile trail run, we decided to go on a roadtrip down to French Lick since Lassen is still with my parents. We drove with the windows down, listened to good music, explored the hotels, ate at new (to us) restaurants, went on a hike, ate nachos, ate pizza in Bloomington, went shopping, got ice cream (basically ate our way through the day ha!), and were home by 10p. A fantastic, much needed date with my husband.