BUTTERFLY IN THE TREE
This verse hit me differently today.
Isaiah 65: 17-23
17 “Behold, I will create new heavens and a new earth. The former things will
not be remembered, nor will they come to mind.
20 “Never again will there be in it an infant who lives but a few days.”
I sent out invitations for
Brighton’s birthday party on April 29th! I am sad but excited as it
will be a good day to be with all of the people who have loved us well.
We are in full on party planning mode for Brighton’s birthday party! Hard to believe it is only one month away. So far, 65 people have said they are coming which is amazing. I am excited for it now but am interested to see how my emotions are on the day. Jesus, please be near and please let there be so much joy. Let this celebration honor You, Lord.
Julie got Lassen a butterfly
kite for his birthday and on Sunday, we went out and flew it. She said it
reminded her of Brighton and it did for us too!
Lassen and I were flying the butterfly kite today as it was really windy. Then, we lost hold of it and it flew off into the top of the big oak tree by all of Brighton’s trees on the back hill! It was waving back and forth for hours before finally getting caught at the top with the yellow ribbons fully extended. I actually love that it happened because it just reminds me that Brighton is right with us.
Kari is going in to have her
baby! And then I just today made another connection…Allison, who helped us plan
everything for Brighton’s delivery, left Franciscan to take on another role,
but is helping the new person transition into her old job. The new lady is
Marlie…turns out it’s the same Marlie who was our nurse with Brighton! Allison
is getting us a gift for his birthday and she told Marlie the other day she got
“Jill Birt a gift” and Marlie said, “Oh, baby Brighton!” That made me so happy
she remembered him.
April 2, 2023
Kari had her sweet baby boy, Lane, yesterday morning! I am so happy
for her! My friend Jess had her baby boy Zeke this morning. And we just found
out my sister is pregnant too and due in October!
I have so many friends and
family who are pregnant or have just had babies, and I am truly thrilled for
all of them. Yet, I have a really deep grief bubbling and I don’t know how to
feel about that. I am missing Brighton and am grieving this hole in our family.
It seriously breaks my heart that Lassen lost his brother. He loves babies so
much and I hate that he never got that chance to love on Brighton.
I started my period again
today and it just kind of felt like a gut punch. I really still desire a third
baby but continually keep reminding myself that God’s timing is everything and
it is perfect. My human side still despairs over what we have lost. Another
baby would never replace or fill the hole that Brighton left; another baby
would just be a beautiful addition to our family. God, please give us another
baby if that is Your will. If it’s not, please take this desire from my heart
so that I can move into the future with a lightened heart. God, You are amazing
and in control. I trust You.
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