HE PROVIDES WATER IN THE DESERT!

December 21, 2022
Winter solstice before a major storm comes tomorrow! Brighton gave me two beautiful sundogs tonight. Lassen was pretending to make eggs and said he was making them for “mommy and daddy and Brighton and Jesus” because “Brighton and Jesus like eggs.” I have had a hard time even letting myself wonder who Brighton would have been, but Lassen showed me today that it is ok to imagine. I know my boys would have been great friends and the best of brothers, loving each other but also testing limits. Love my boys!

December 26, 2022
We have had a great last few days with family. Kyle and I had a date night with his sisters and their husbands which was so much fun. Friday night, we learned how to make sushi rolls with Kacie’s family and Lassen loved the tuna and salmon.

On Christmas Eve, we had our big charcuterie table with everyone and it looked amazing and everyone loved it.

All of the grandkids were gifted a heifer from their grandparents with their initials on the ear tags. Brighton has one too! BWB!

Then, we spent the night in our new house for the first time! I said months ago that we were going to and I kept my word. We set up our sleeping bags in Lassen’s room and then hung our stockings on the mantle. Kyle surprised me with a little tree over by the island (not all of the outlets are live yet) and we took our tree skirt and some presents. It looked so cute! Lassen was so excited about it all which was the best part. We lit a candle for Brighton and it burned all night, reminding us that he is always with us. We also set out milk and cookies for Santa.

Christmas morning was really fun waking up in our new place. Lassen was super excited because Santa had eaten his cookies and drank the entire milk and he filled his stockings! We opened up some presents at home and then went to Kyle’s parents for the day. The best part was we went to church and it was packed! The day is all about Jesus and it was great to see people celebrating that.

I thought a lot about Brighton this weekend and what his first Heavenly Christmas was like and just how proud I am that God chose him to spend eternity with him.

January 1, 2023
Last year, there were four of us alive in our family, yet I knew I would not have one of my sons at the end of the year. And I realize now so clearly how short and precious life is. I am a year closer to being with Brighton in Heaven, while also having another beautiful year with Lassen and Kyle. I told Kyle that even though 2022 was the hardest year I have ever experienced, it was also the best because our family grew to four and we relied on Jesus and each other like we never have before. I don’t want that to end. Please God, help me to be so intentional with my time with my family and with You, Lord. Please bless us this year and help us to be a blessing to others.

January 4, 2023
Today was special because we were able to put our names and handprints in the sidewalk just past the garage on the way to the porch. Lassen did great putting his handprints in the wet concrete and I wrote all our names with a nail.

January 15, 2023
Psalm 143:8

“Let the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in You. Show me the way I should go, for to You I lift up my soul.”

I spent the morning cleaning our new house today. I am beyond grateful and excited to move in, but I also deeply feel the hole where Brighton would be. The front room with the handmade desk built from trees on the property. The 4^th chair at the island. The 4^th cubby in the mudroom. I really wanted him to be in that space. When we started planning our house, he was with us, and now he’s not. But I need to remember he was physically with us at the start of this process and he’s forever in our hearts as we take the next step. I prayed boldly that God would make our home a place of love and hope and joy and gathering. I prayed that He would bring us a third child. I know our story isn’t finished.