BRIGHTON'S GIFT

November 30, 2022

Seven months little Bright! Where has the time gone? I was thinking today about what you would have been doing and what you would like. You would be trying solid foods by now. You might be scooting around, not quite crawling. Would you love the fish book like your brother did? Would you have dark hair or blonde? Are your eyes blue?

Are there milestones of growth in Heaven like there are down here? Do you change in Heaven or do you stay the same? I’m looking forward to the day when you can show me around, but hopefully not for a while because your brother and daddy need me.

December 9, 2022
“God, You are good. You are good. You’re never gonna let me down!”

December is flying by and I feel like I am just trying desperately to reach out and slow down time. I feel like I am struggling to “do enough” to make Christmas special and teach Lassen what it is really about. Jesus.

How do we honor Brighton well? How do I balance joy in the season with Lassen but then feel the ache of not having his brother?

We found our tub of Christmas decorations in storage so I could get my stockings – I needed to have Brighton’s stocking out – I wasn’t going to decorate this front house that we are temporarily living in, but there were 2 boxes of lights and garland….I hung them in the front window and it instantly made the house more homey and less like we are just living out of boxes. Lassen and I watched “The Star” twice now and talked about the Wise Men bringing gifts to Jesus….much later we were wrapping gifts and I asked Lassen who he thought it was for. He said, “Jesus?” For all my failings, I pray that Lassen knows You Lord. At night, when Lassen prays, he folds his hands and scrunches his eyes closed so tight and says “Jesus, love you. Brighton, love you. Thank you for friends”…and then thank you for several people he might have seen that day. Beyond grateful for him.

Kyle has been traveling to Illinois a lot and I am so thankful for his sacrifice so that I can stay home with Lassen. I love everyday with him!

Still learning and juggling the balance of “doing versus being.” Lord, please help me to be still at times so I can hear You.

December 11, 2022
We had dinner with really good friends tonight and found out they are expecting their second baby. Kyle and I were talking about babies on the way home and how many people we know that are pregnant right now. I am so excited for them all, and yet the very human part of me wants that as well. However, I was reading the book, “It’s not supposed to be this way” by Lysa Terkeurst (Kari got it for me after I had Brighton) and she talked about when we fully trust God, we can know and trust that His timing is perfect, no matter what timeline we think is best. That gives me a lot of peace.

December 19, 2022
We are back from an incredible week at home with my family. We had so much fun seeing friends and spending a ton of time with Lolli and Pops and Jenna and Bennett. Kyle got to come Tuesday night on his way over to Illinois for work and then over the weekend to celebrate Christmas.

Mom had a stocking made for Brighton too!

Brighton will always be included on our Christmas cards!

Mom did the sweetest thing for me. She wanted to help Brighton get me a gift. She went to the Brighton store and got me a pair of gorgeous butterfly earrings! I cried and it was perfect. She is the best mom I could ask for. I am so thankful for my family because we talked about Brighton and the impact he has had and will have in the years to come.

Kyle and I decided that instead of starting our own non-profit, we are going to support other charities in Brighton’s honor that are doing great work. Each Christmas, a different family within our immediate family can choose a non-profit to support and it can be related to anything. Infant loss awareness, adoption support, literally anything that the family feels called to give to. This way, Brighton’s name can be making a difference in so many facets of life. This year, Kyle and I got to choose to start off Brighton’s Gift. We are collectively giving to Memories to Hold this year. Thank you Jesus, for our sweet boy and for his testimony that points us to You!

I listened to a podcast on the way home with the author of “The Moon is Always Round.” It was so good and a beautiful testimony. Jenna painted an ornament for me to give to Lassen and it is the moon and on the back she wrote “The Moon is Always Round.” I wrote a note on it too:
Lassen, God is always good. Love, Brighton

We put up ornaments for Brighton on Lassen’s little tree too, one of them being a blue star. Lassen has talked about Brighton’s star a lot. What a good big brother.