"THE KEEPER OF THE PRISM"

 

August 17, 2022
Lassen and I have been painting rocks for Brighton’s celebration and it has been really calming. I miss him so much and am just so thankful I have little Lass.

We went and saw Kayla and Noah today. I felt like the longer I waited, the harder it would be. I had a moment when I saw him that I thought “There is no way I can do this” and I felt a little panicky, but then I took a deep breath and was able to stay and talk to Kayla. I didn’t really look at Noah yet and that’s ok. They said he looked like Kyle as a baby, black hair and super tan. He just looked so tiny and he was over twice the weight of Brighton, which made me even more sad. I miss our boy. Praying that God holds my heart and helps me appreciate all of the milestones Noah will have and know that Brighton is having beautiful milestones with Jesus.

I ran with Lassen in the stroller this morning and he pointed up and said “Moon.” Then I said the moon is always ____ and he said, “God is too good! God round!” Close buddy😊 Thank you Lord for Lassen.

Isaiah 55:8-9

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.
As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.

August 21, 2022
Life has been full and God has been good. Our house now has a covered roof and it is beautiful and we are so excited. I am so happy that we can go back every day and see what is going on. Lassen and I spent a long time Friday helping clean up and picking up roofing nails. Then, the two of us camped out which was super fun and special. I heard 2 different owls during the night and we had an amazing sunrise.

Kari and Travis came over last night and brought big frames that they had made for Conner’s celebration that we can use at Brighton’s!

August 22, 2022
The other day, I had some time to myself and I went back to the new house and was listening to the Isaiah Song by Maverick City. I was writing more scriptures and lyrics on our beams and then I looked up and the beams in the vaulted ceiling looked like a sanctuary. I was worshipping with my arms spread, crying and grieving, yet at the same time so thankful I can worship the One who is taking care of him for forever!

August 25, 2022
I ordered a bunch of pictures from Walgreens of Brighton’s 9 months of life so we could showcase all of the things he go to do with us – beach, plane, running, swimming, etc! I picked them up and Lassen was with me. The lady said, “Oh, I just finished printing them! You must be the big brother!” I said, yes, Lassen is his big brother and explained what his pictures were for and what had happened. She teared up and came around the counter to give me a big hug and said she had lost two babies too. It was really special to get to tell her about Bright and for her to share that with me as well. Love you buddy!

August 29, 2022
I read this blog about child loss and the author had written about replacing the word “but” with “and.”

“I am sad and missing Brighton, but I am so happy for Kayla.”

“I am sad and missing Brighton, AND I am so happy for Kayla.”

Using the word “but” downplays the first feeling, while “and” gives them equal status. Joy and sorrow. Happy and sad. Rejoice with those who rejoice. Mourn with those who mourn.

We saw a double rainbow tonight over our house. Kyle told us that Brighton must be in charge of the rainbows tonight…the keeper of the prism😊  Four months tomorrow.