BRIGHTON'S FRIENDS: CONNER DOUGLAS DEWITT- MAY 20, 2021-MAY 23,2021--PART 2
I had asked Travis’s cousin, Sarah, to come take newborn pictures of Conner today but after the night we had I called and told her it wasn’t a good day for it. But I had planned in my mind that we would do it another day. I left the kitchen to call my mom and ask her to pray for Conner after telling her about the night. Travis came to get me about 8:00am and said Conner was unresponsive again and he needed my help. I hung up the phone and we were able to get Conner to respond soon after. We gave morphine because he seemed so uncomfortable. Travis’s parents arrived and they played with the kids.
Travis and I continued to hold and rock Conner then around 9:45 am, he turned gray and went unresponsive. We tried everything we could and he finally cried but then his breathing became very shallow. We were standing in our living room together as I held him and tried to help him breathe; I wasn’t ready for him to go but we had been praying for Jesus to take away his suffering. Trying to help Conner breathe, I would take a breath and then “okay buddy, now it’s your turn. Breathe, baby, breathe” and he would take a breath. We did this together 3 times and then He was calm. Then, with Travis’ mom, we held each other and sang worship songs. After his previous episodes, we had always checked his heartrate with a stethoscope. Travis asked me if I wanted to listen but I couldn’t, I just knew he had went home with Jesus. We just sat down on the couch and cried holding him and also thanking God for his life and that he was no longer suffering. We were so exhausted that we cried ourselves to sleep on the couch.
My oldest son, Coy, came inside from playing and we told him that Conner isn’t here anymore because he is with Jesus. Being 6 years old, he said “mommy, he’s right there! He isn’t gone!” I’m so thankful for the innocence of my kids. My family was called and they left church to head to our house and would arrive a couple hours later. We all took turns holding Conner and after a while, I took him to his bedroom and rocked him to the songs “Goodness of God” and “You Are The Reason.” I had played both songs every day for him while I was pregnant and during his time at home, they brought both of us great comfort. Travis had called the funeral home around 4pm and asked for a couple hours before they came to get him. Travis then joined me to hold him to our songs, then we joined our family for a time for worship in our living room. I told them I had a couple songs to play and I played “You Are The Reason,” “Raise a Hallelujah,” and we all sang “How Great Thou Art.” When you’re hurting this bad, worshipping our King brings an unexplainable peace to your heart but we also know that no matter what happens in life our God is good and he deserves our praise.
Then our family took turns praying out loud and then they all hugged us and left to go home. Then it was just us and our 4 kids and Conner. Around 7pm, the funeral home arrived and we had to do one of the hardest things of handing Conner over to them. They were so kind and gentle and talked with us for a little bit, but then as the woman held my baby in the front seat and they drove away, I broke all over again. I could see his precious dark head of hair through the window and immediately wanted him back. We all went inside and then my strong, resilient children finally broke. We all cried and held each other. We prayed with them and then took showers and all slept in our room together. Being a nursing mom, I still had to pump my milk but it was excruciating to dump it out in the sink.
I never wanted to be alone for a long time
after Conner passed, even months after.
Our kids were about to finish school so we had them go back a couple
days after Conner passed away to give them some normalcy and do the fun things
at school. During that time, we had
meetings with our pastor and funeral home and began planning his services. We decided to have a small intimate service
with just our family and later have a large celebration of life for him at our
home. The funeral home gladly accepted
Travis’ beautifully hand made casket for Conner and I gave them one of his
blankets, an outfit, and one of his crocheted elephants to place in the casket
with him. Once the kids were home that
day, we all drew pictures and wrote letters to Conner to put in his casket when
we would get to see him at the end of the week.
It seemed so long before we were able to see him and my arms physically
ached to hold him.
At the end of the week, we made our way to the funeral home
anxiously to see our baby. We were still just going through the motions as we
were in deep grief, but we couldn’t wait to see him. After our family arrived and we all saw him
and talked with each other, it was time to head to the cemetery to “Conner’s Place.”
Travis and I took some extra time with Conner, then Scott the funeral director,
asked if we wanted to hold him. Of course we did. He said he wanted us to be
the last ones that ever held Conner. We
held him and kissed him and for a few minutes my arms weren’t aching so bad to
hold him. Then we laid him down and
walked to our car, hearts hurting so badly.
We drove to Conner’s Place and during horrible rain, we had his
service. We had chosen Psalm 139:13-16
and I had asked for the song “I Love You This Big” by Scotty McCreery to be
played for him. Again we worshipped God
and prayed and when we said our final goodbye, we headed to the home of Travis’
Aunt and Uncle to have our meal.
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