A CONSTANT DANCE OF SORROW AND JOY

 September 12, 2022
We got back tonight from our trip to the Smokies. I was unsure if we would even get to go because Lassen was feeling so bad, but we did and I am so glad. It wasn’t perfect, but neither is life. We were able to celebrate one whole year of knowing Brighton. It was very rainy and it was gorgeous- the Smokies in the rain are magical….they come alive with the sound of the creeks and rivers…the mist and clouds roll in…everything is so green and more alive…and being high among the clouds made us feel closer to Brighton.

Our plans changed and we decided to keep all of Brighton’s earthly remains with us in our home. Then, it turned out Greenbrier had flooded and we couldn’t have taken him there anyways. Instead, we hiked the Alum Cave Bluff trail in the rain and it was beautiful and we were in the clouds and Brighton was right with us. When we got to the top, people were cheering and clapping for me because I was carrying Lassen in the pack. I desperately wanted to have a 4.5 month old on my chest too. It was really special though having Lassen with us as this hike was one Kyle and I did on our first trip to the Smokies together in 2014. Life is good, even in the hard and sad and in the valleys.

As Lassen says every night “Jesus, I love you. Brighton, love you.”

September 18, 2022
We have such great friends – another blessing God has given us. We went yesterday to a little nursery in Greencastle to pick out a few more trees for Brighton’s celebration. Haley and Alex, our friends in California, gave us money for a tree and we found a Pacific Sunset Maple! How perfect! Then today, we had a cookout with the Myers and Brummett’s and they gave us a gift card to this little nursery and a beautiful garden plaque for Brighton! So now, the other tree we picked (a corkscrew willow) will be from them. So special!

September 21, 2022
Kyle and I joined a couples group at church and are doing the Rooted study. It has been so good. I learned more about the Holy Spirit and all of the ways He helps us and it is amazing. So thankful He is with me every second of the day!

I worked on going through all of Brighton’s things so I could figure out what I want to use for his celebration. I can’t believe it’s in 2.5 weeks! We are seeing butterflies everywhere and I looked up at the stars yesterday during my run and saw a shooting star. Love you Bright!

September 22, 2022
It feels like fall today! The temp dropped 30 degrees from yesterday so it was actually chilly all day. I had a really beautiful run in the dark with amazing stars and the outline of clouds. Lassen spent a lot of time with Grandad in the tractor and I worked on projects for Brighton’s celebration. We saw glimpses of him everywhere today. Sundogs multiple times. Butterflies just floating on the wind, going wherever it took them. A strong breeze reminding me that God is alive and moving. I miss you sweet boy. It hurts to think you would be almost 5 months old. But I trust the scripture in Romans 8:28….”And we know that all things work together for good to those who are called according to His purpose.” Jesus, You are good, even if our circumstances are not.

We went and got ice cream tonight with Kayla, Rhea, and Noah. Lassen loves seeing Noah and just kept smiling so big at “Baby Noah” and was rocking him in his car seat. Lassen is the best big brother. I so wish he had Brighton. It makes my heart hurt for that loss too.