GOLDEN BOWLS FULL OF INCENSE

 

June 18, 2022
7 weeks…I miss him so much. I cannot wait to be with him and Jesus! I know he is having the best day. I ran over 4 miles this morning…it was cool out, the sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and my run was truly joyful. Life is good, even when it is hard. The moon is always round. God is always good.

June 19, 2022
Happy Father’s Day to the daddy of my babies! Lucky to have so many great dads in my life and the ultimate Father in Heaven who is taking care of my sweet Brighton. We went on a hike today at Big Walnut Nature Preserve and it was so beautiful and peaceful. I carried Lassen in the pack – definitely didn’t feel as strong as when I carried Lassen and Brighton up House Mountain in Knoxville, but I felt pretty strong nonetheless. We had a picnic lunch, got icecream, and then worked on projects around the farm the rest of the day which was great. Lassen and I even took feed back to the mama cows and called them all in.

Lassen and I were talking about Brighton the other day and what he might be doing and we were talking about the moon. It occurred to me that Brighton can see all of the miracles and mysteries of the galaxies and space! I love everything about space and just how God is such a creator!

Revelation 5:8…”When the Lamb had taken the scroll, the four living creatures and the 24 elders fell before the Lamb, each holding a harp and the golden bowls full of incense, which are the prayers of the saints.”

I absolutely love picturing this! Our prayers are incense to our Maker!

June 20, 2022
I had sent Kari an episode of the Cradled in Hope podcast the other day and she said Allison (from Memories to Hold at St. Francis) had sent it to her a few months before but she hadn’t listened yet. It turns out, I was the one who had sent it to Allison to pass on to anyone she thought might find it helpful, and she sent it to Kari! God keeps showing up in all of these relationships! Just blows my mind!

Today was great because my mom and dad met us for lunch at the Mexican restaurant and then came and hung out on the farm for a few hours and we got to see the progress on the house. Lassen loves his Pops so much! It is really sweet to see. They played for a while with Kyle’s old tractors while Mom and I spent time on the front porch talking. We talked about Brighton a lot and we talked about her miscarriage the year before I was born. We talked about how great it will be to meet our babies in Heaven someday. It breaks my heart though that she never felt like she could talk about that baby, so I’m glad we were able to have that conversation.

People are so awesome. Tonight, a girl I really didn’t know showed up at the house and gave me a beautiful wooden block with Brighton’s name and all of his statistics on it. So kind and means so much!

June 21, 2022
Today was so fun because we went and visited Jenny and her boys and Kari and her kids came too! It was so good for us all to hang out – we all have had major hurt and trauma, but have held each other up (me mainly after the fact since I didn’t know them when their stories happened.) Just thankful God brought us all together. Lassen had a blast and was climbing their swingset ramp like a champ – reminded me of when I hiked Half Dome in Yosemite. Maybe he can climb that someday too!

Kyle and I have had conversations about trying to have another baby at some point. Tonight, he asked Lassen if he wanted another brother or sister and he said “Yeah.” So Kyle asked him if he would hold and rock the baby and he said “rock, hold.” I remember praying last November/December after we had gotten Brighton’s diagnosis that Lassen would have a sibling to grow up with. I heard in my heart very, very clearly a response that said “He will.” I desperately prayed that it meant Brighton would be healed here on Earth, but I am holding onto hope that we will be able to have a third baby someday.

June 22, 2022
I am sitting on the patio listening to the birds and enjoying the sunset. Lassen and I went to Suzy’s today so we could hang out and swim at their neighborhood pool. Before we left, Suzy surprised me with a bracelet from a company called “Wear Felicity.” It is this tiny little magnifying glass that when you look through it with light behind you, you can see a picture of Brighton! It is incredible and I can’t stop looking at my precious baby. So grateful for friends who love me and haven’t forgotten my son.