MAKE ME YOUR VESSEL

 

We continued living our life to the fullest, giving Brighton every opportunity to participate in what our family was doing. I wanted him to feel us moving and hear my heart beating, hear the voices of those who love him most, taste all the foods that I love, and experience the world in the only way that he would be able. Knowing that Christmas was coming was very confusing in a way. We were excited to be celebrating Jesus with Lassen, but knowing that this was the only chance to do so with Brighton not yet in our arms was difficult at times. 

December 2, 2021
We decorated our Christmas tree the other day. Lassen loved helping put ornaments on the tree. We always get Lassen an ornament each year, so we found a special one for Brighton this year – it was really bittersweet putting it on the tree, knowing this is most likely the only Christmas he will be with us here on earth. Yet, I also am so happy for him that next Christmas, he will be sitting at the feet of Jesus worshipping! A delicate balance of joy and sorrow. I pray that God uses me as His vessel. My body is carrying this sweet baby and I desire good to come. I know God will use this for His good. 

“In the crushing, in the pressing, You are making new wine.

In the soil I now surrender, You are breaking new ground.

So I yield to You into Your careful hand

When I trust You I don’t need to understand.”

Make me Your vessel. Make me Your offering. Jesus bring new wine out of me.”

~New Wine, Hillsong

Lassen and I met my parents at the Christkindlmarkt and it was so much fun. No one can tell I am pregnant so I can avoid the comments for now and just enjoy whatever we are doing. I ate this massive raclette sausage sandwich and shared fries with Lassen. The weather was beautiful and I laughed so hard watching people ice skate and fall (who am I? ha!) when I'm terrible at it myself. It was a great day. 

December 3, 2021
I was able to talk to Ann tonight for almost two hours, exactly a month after I found out about Brighton’s diagnosis and almost a month since sweet Ember went to be with Jesus. It’s crazy how God puts people into your life that you might need years later. Honestly, I’ve barely talked to her since 2007 because I was closer to Halley as we worked together at the stables, but had kept up with her life through Halley. We talked like there had been no time between us. We caught up on all the things and then talked about Sweet Ember and Brighton. It was good and sad and we cried together and for each other. Ember’s life had a purpose, if only that Ann can be by my side as I walk through this valley with hope and peace. Thank you Jesus, for continuing to show Your loving presence by placing people in my life to walk with me. Please let me have that privilege too.

December 8, 2021
Dad came over today and Lassen was so excited! We had our 17 week appointment and since Kyle is allowed to come to visits now because of our complicated situation, Dad came over to watch Lassen which was so nice of him. Our appointment went well. We were able to see Susan, who had emailed me the night before saying she was looking forward to seeing us and praying that Brighton was doing well. We then met Dr. Foxlow for the first time. It was just a normal appointment, no ultrasound, but we were able to hear Brighton’s heartbeat on the doppler. It took a while for her to find  him, but he was probably just tucked in tight and cuddled up. Sweet boy. We decided to simplify our care plan and not go to specialists anymore; we will just stick with our OB office which I think will be good. Thank you God for providing people to care for us. Praying already for the doctors and nurses who will be with us when we meet our sweet boy.

We were home pretty quickly and decided to go to the zoo with my dad and Lassen. The zoo was all decorated for Christmas and it was so fun – we even got to take pictures with two Santas which was unexpected. No lines on Wednesday nights I guess! Just really great memories with my dad and my two boys.