JESUS LOVES THE LITTLE CHILDREN

 

January 20, 2022
Lassen’s Storybook Bible is always speaking to me. Well, God is through it. Tonight we were reading about Jesus and the little children and I started crying thinking about how much Jesus loves Brighton (and obviously Lassen too!) and how happy He will be to welcome him into Heaven and hold my sweet boy close. There is no one else I would rather have holding him except the King. I will miss you terribly sweet baby, but I am so grateful to be your mama.

January 21, 2022
I am continually blown away by the people God has surrounded us with on this journey. Allison, who is the Bereavement Coordinator, seems amazing and has sent me several emails. She wants what is best for our family and will do whatever is needed to make that happen. Susan has also emailed me and is consistent in reaching out before appointments. It is amazing to me that she remembers my appointments and checks in beforehand. Just so sweet.

January 24, 2022
Despite being an emotional day, today was a really good day. Lassen and I baked cookies this morning and then Jenny came over with Finn so they could hang out with Lassen while we went to our appointment with Allison to go over our plans for Brighton's birthday.

We met Allison and were able to see the room where I will deliver Brighton. It has an attached family room where our parents and Lassen can stay. She was great and knew my whole history and everything that has happened with Brighton so far in my pregnancy. She actually said he has acrania, not anencephaly, which I wondered about but didn’t want to look up anything online – I’m grateful she explained the differences without me asking. I think I just thought they were the same thing. 

It is still a devastating diagnosis, but I felt more at peace knowing what was actually going on. I probably have just been too scared to ask. We discussed our wishes for comfort care and all of the mementos we want to make. The beautiful thing is this program is funded by donations so all of these things are at no cost to us. We also might use Love, Lucas as it is a non-profit that covers funeral expenses and sounds like an amazing ministry. Eric, who is in charge of the ministry, could be a good person for Kyle to talk to. I think he could really use some help and support that I am not able to give. Just once again grateful for another person who is completely understanding and walking this journey with us.

My appointment with Dr. Foxlow was good too. My belly was measuring 23 cm for 23 weeks and Brighton’s heartbeat was 150. She found it right away too. One of the nurses who has helped us immensely called us in and surprised us by putting the recording of Brighton’s heartbeat into a Build-A-Bear. She had three extra hearts on his wrist to represent me, Kyle, and Lassen. She said she also had put her prayers for Brighton inside too. Just so kind and thoughtful and heartbreaking at the same time. It’s hard to imagine this bear being the only way I can hear Brighton’s life.

I wanted to include the links to the foundations that helped us immensely. If you are going through or know someone who is going through the loss of an infant, please check out these resources. 

https://www.franciscanhealthfoundation.org/programs/memories-hold

https://lovelucas.org/