DEFINITION OF A MIRACLE

 February 1, 2022
I have found some podcasts and blogs of other mamas who have had to let their babies go to Heaven. I never would have found these resources if I hadn’t become the mama to Brighton. I never realized how common it was for babies to not make it. Not that it makes our situation any easier, but more so that I’d like to be a resource and help to other mamas and I pray God opens those doors for me to help and care for others. Brighton’s life matters and so does every single baby. They are created in the image of our Father and he knows every detail of their being, every day of their lives.

February 2, 2022
A friend told me the sweetest thing today – to think of Brighton hugging me in Heaven someday, knowing how much I loved him and wanted life for him. So heartbreaking yet gloriously beautiful too.

It rained the entire day but Lassen and I went to the library and were there for more than 2 hours. He had a blast and played with a lot of other kids and was very social which was fun to see. Proud of how much he is growing in so many ways! I am 25 weeks today with Brighton! I had the chance to tell another mama at the library about his story (she is due in May too) and she said she would pray for our family. It’s humbling to have believers I don’t even know covering us with prayer. Thank you Jesus.

February 3, 2022
I found this podcast called “Cradled in Hope” for mamas who have lost a baby and the one I listened to today was about grieving a life-limiting diagnosis. I love that verbiage so much more than "fatal" because Brighton is so very much alive! This conversation was so full of hope and Jesus and incredibly encouraging and a beautiful example of grieving with hope. My son is a miracle. Whatever happens, he is a miracle and this journey is a miracle because God’s faithfulness and kindness is so evident.

I made a poster to take to the hospital with Brighton’s name on it for his birthday. I used glitter so now our entire house seems to be covered in silver sparkles. I don’t care – it makes me think of Brighton even more than I do (which is constantly). I also emailed the funeral home today so that they were aware of our plans – I had the draft sitting in my email and finally just had to pull the trigger and get that taken care of.

I am the type of person that needs to just do the hard things first so I can focus on the good things. That’s how it is with this pregnancy. I am going to make the most of every single second with our son. He will experience more than some people experience in an entire lifetime. He will know joy because his mom and dad and brother truly have joy. He will know love. He is a treasure and no matter what happens, he is worth it.

February 8, 2022
Such a beautiful day – Lassen learned to eat snow today. Teaching him the important things in life! I was thinking about Brighton being able to taste things that I am eating and I wanted him to know some of my favorites, either now or in my past. So I bought some smores pop tarts and Gardettos, which I basically lived on in college. Lassen loved them too!

I heard this somewhere and have thought about it often. Normally, I would have Brighton on my lap, telling him about Jesus. Now, I know Jesus will sit Brighton on His lap and tell him all about his mama, daddy, and big brother. This is comforting, but also breaks my heart. I know deep down Brighton will be perfectly safe and healthy and Jesus is and will be holding him so close. Jesus will be holding my heart gently too.

I reached out to Love, Lucas and let them know we would be grateful to use their foundation to take care of Brighton. Eric, Lucas’ dad, emailed me right back and said it would be an honor. Originally, we didn’t want to use funds that another family would truly need….but then Allison told us that Eric had said that if there was a need, God would provide! What faith! We also felt like it would be a way to honor Lucas as well. So grateful for people who are in this with us. 

Brighton's hat and blanket came today! They are perfect!