"BUT GOD"

 

I always love when a name is important to you, you start to notice it everywhere. I had never even heard of the Brighton jewelry brand, but now I have friends sending me pictures of the name Brighton in stores all over. I love reading (mostly fiction) and for whatever reason, several of the books I have chosen end up having a part of the story take place in Brighton, England! Anytime I see my boys name, my heart just fills with pride and love for him. 

January 13, 2022
I ordered Brighton an ocean blue minkie blanket and a little top knot hat with his name on both. I decided the hat will be perfect no matter what
and I wanted to have these things early and ahead of time. I was so worried about what size to get but just decided it will be great. I have been feeling my sweet boy so much lately. Thank you Jesus for his life. I am so grateful I get to be his mom. I get to be the one who chose to continue the life that You created.

January 15, 2022
We finally got a little dusting of snow, enough to cover the driveway and roads. It was horribly cold out but we all bundled up- Lassen finally got to wear his snow pants! We went outside to shovel the driveway and then took a walk around the neighborhood, laughing as he waddled around in his snow gear. Kyle made him a sled out of a trash can lid and I pulled him around in the cul-de-sac. Hilarious!

Lassen, Brighton and I got a run in later too which was great. We went out to eat and I had a tenderloin. Brighton is going to taste all of my favorite things, I will make sure of that! I am a self proclaimed tenderloin connoisseur and this one was excellent.  

We continue to be loved and encouraged by people every week, sending cards or texts with words of hope and reminders of Jesus’ promises. Suzy has been sending me a little card every single week with encouragement and hope. She is seriously the best! Thank you Jesus.

January 16, 2022
I had not felt Brighton move all day and was getting very anxious about it. I ate ice cream and drank pop trying to wake him up. I read through my saved scriptures on my Bible app and kept repeating, “Trust me and it will all be ok.” I texted Suzy to pray because I knew she wouldn’t freak out and make me more nervous. I didn’t sleep well at all and around 3a, I decided to sit in the rocking chair and listen to worship music and BRIGHTON MOVED! Thank you Jesus. I was fully prepared to call the office in the morning and see if I could get in. I slept so much better after that.

January 18, 2022
Brighton is due four months from today! I am so proud of how brave and strong and kind and smart and loved and so worthy my sweet baby boy is.

We are meeting with Allison White next Monday at the hospital. She is the bereavement coordinator at St. Francis who is in charge of Memories to Hold as well. Kyle and I began working on the palliative care birth plan for me and Brighton. So hard to do but I want our desires known. There were questions about what medical interventions we want if Brighton is born alive, end of life care and funeral arrangements, who we want in the room with us, what keepsakes we desire...as much as I hated thinking about these things, I was grateful Allison had taken the time to have all of these questions thought out, so we aren't unprepared.  I want to have a plan in place so that when the time comes, we can focus solely on our son and not on making decisions in the moment. Thankful for the people God has placed alongside us in this journey.

January 19, 2022
Happy 23 weeks Brighton! He has been moving and grooving today which is so great to feel. I ran a couple miles with Lassen this morning – pretty sure I only made it to 23 weeks running with Lassen and I still feel great. Having a belly band certainly helps.

Kyle surprised me with the sweetest early Valentine’s Day gift- a necklace with the letters L and B! Forever my sweet boys.